Apple to announce new laptops next Tuesday!

The rumors were true folks. Apple is staging an invitation-only Town Hall event in San Francisco next Tuesday, October 14th. It’s absolutely safe to say they’ll be showing off new laptops.

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Win an Apple® iPod® Shuffle

Win an ipod from paunchiness

In an effort to increase readers to our new blog we
’re going to have a little contest. The rules are simple and you really don’t have to do all that much work to win. Simply send us some visitors from your blog, we’ll track it using Google Analytics and whoever sends us the most traffic wins.

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Uncle Bill’s Diet – Believe It!

In South Saint Louis, there is a gem of late night dining called Uncle Bill’s Pancake House.  It wouldn’t rank all that high on Zagat’s, but it is my own personal mecca.  The staff is clad in tapered white denim and enough electric blue eyeshadow to put any lady of the night to shame, and my own unfounded theory is that it’s the veritable Genco Olive Oil Company to the Korean Mafia of Greater Saint Louis.  But more importantly, there is the food.  Biscuits and gravy, bacon and eggs, pancakes topped with a heart-stopping amount of whipped butter.  

During my second year of school, me and J. Valentine ate at Uncle Bill’s somewhere around three times a week.  Physical fitness activities for the duration included roller-skating, dancing up and down the aisles on late night trips to Walmart, and attempting the top-rock while watching break dancing videos.  That’s about it.  But somehow, by years end we were decidedly slimmer.  A friend asked us if we’d been doing anything different, and after looking at each other for a confused minute, I offered “thick cut bacon”.  She wasn’t convinced. 

There’s no explaining it.  The logic behind it confounds me to this day.  But if you feel like you’re starving yourself on a diet of beet root and lettuce, I whole-heartedly endorse Uncle Bill’s.  Partly because I feel as though mentioning the Korean Mafia might get me whacked, but more so because of how much I love bacon.

Flat and Strong

I returned from the wedding and recommitted myself to healthiness.  And then I failed.  I won’t go into the major consequences that directly resulting from my failing, but there they were: staring me in the face, taunting me, reminding me I had failed.

 

And so I say again, detox and rejuvenation.  Unlike all the other times when “I mean it”, this time, it will happen.  I do mean it.  I refuse to allow failure to stare me down.  I have sworn off all things alcoholic for the next month.  I am also making a concerted effort to eat healthy, real food.  My workout schedule will also get amped up – from derailed to back on track.

 

Yesterday for good measure, I rode in the “Flat as a Floodplain” bike ride.  (check out trailnet.org for other cool rides).  Actually, I cycled the 25 miles to get back on track – the true measure of my goodness was waking up ultra early to volunteer during registration prior to the ride.

 

Some of you may be thinking… “How hard can 25 miles be on flat terrain?”  Ha!  The wind mocks you!  It is more than pretty intense.  Truth be told, I thought I was going to collapse around 21 miles.  In fairness, my riding partner was a super hard core ski instructor, pilot license carrying, extremely low road resistance bike riding, all around super star. 

 

We started out into a strong headwind, and held our pace of 15 mph pretty well for the first 6 miles or so.  Then I realized my heart was not just pounding, but on the brink of explosion.  I looked down at my trusty heart rate monitor watch and realized my average heart rate was in the 180s.  A bit high for my liking.

 

So, I dropped back a little.  Luckily the super star century riding hero decided to wait for me.  I said the pace was a bit brisk and he kindly asked, “what pace do you need?”  13.5?  So off we went.

 

We happily turned a corner so the wind was at our backs and we could easily pick back up to about a 16 mph clip.  Really, it was a beautiful ride…  especially with the wind at our backs. 

 

The floodplains are amazingly flat which allows for a fantastic view.  Lots of corn and trees and wildflowers… and those woolly little bugs that indicate its going to be a mild winter.  Or maybe it’s a hearty winter?… we couldn’t decide.  Because we waited until about 9:30 to ride, the sun had peeked through and it was a balmy 75 degrees or so. 

 

The scenary was great, the weather was perfect, and the ride was going well.  Then came the dreaded 21 mile mark. 

 

I started to feel a little uncomfortable on the bike at right around 20 – but I got a brief high from ticking over the teens to the twenties in mileage so I held on.  As I kept ticking up the mileage, I literally thought passing out was my only option.  I looked down at my heart rate monitor watch again – I had burned 1500 calories.  What did I eat for breakfast this morning?

 

Thankfully my riding partner realized my distress and we stopped for a moment.  It was one of those hands on my knees, head between them, deep breaths, God help me moments.  I thought to myself – only 4 more miles.  Anybody can ride a bike four miles.  On the end of 21, sure, it’s a bit more difficult.  But I can ride four miles.  God help me.

 

I get back on my bike, turn back into the headwind, and just chant over and over again “Strong, strong, strong…. Strong”. 

 

I wasn’t thinking about losing weight, or being thin, or drinking, or eating, or living for that matter.  The only thing I could do was think “strong, strong, strong”.   The last half mile I was literally saying it aloud. 

 

When I reached the finish, it was a clarifying moment.  I am strong.  I can ride 25 miles.  My body is strong.  My mind is strong. 

 

So I say again, detox and rejuvenation.  I am strong.

The Chair Fiasco

To avoid potential lawsuits, I make sure to tell everyone who enters my dojo that several of the chairs provided were rescued from the alley and were not actually made for sitting slash adjusting your weight on. Par instance, there is a leather arm chair whose springs have come through the seat and threaten to leave the mark of Zorro on any ass…

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My Big Fat Phenemonal Wedding

Even though the wedding was phenemonal, it made me fat! Or maybe it was all the booze I drank and all the cake I ate…. and that delicious, nasty, road trip food…. hard to say.

Today I am back, we are no longer locked out of the house and I have already attended PowerPump at the local gym.

Hopefully at least 5 of the 10 pounds I gained is just water and salt weight….

DETOX today!

Updates later.

I’m a Married Man

I didn’t quite loose all the weight I wanted to before the wedding so my head still looks kind of fat…My wife, however, looked phenomenal.

High Fructose Corn Syrup is Bad For You.

The Corn Refiners Association decided to ’show’ high-fructose corn syrup was as safe as sugar.

Watch the videos at www.paunchiness.com

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High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS) is Bad For You.

I saw this on TV last night, it’s alarming. The Corn Refiners Association decided to ’show’ high-fructose corn syrup was as safe as sugar. This is interesting because I just wrote a post last week about how HFCS makes you fat. I did this after finding a bunch of research that said that the body converts fructose to body fat with “surprising speed.”

I suppose The Corn Refiners Association is trying to counteract these new findings. Take note that they showed a lotta-pop as the safe source of sugar. Incredible.

High Fructose Corn Syrup is not good for you.

“Wow, you don’t care what the kids eat, huh?”

These commercials are a ridiculous lie. They remind me of the old cigarette spots that tried to refute claims that cigarettes where unhealthy. (I’m not old enough to actually remember those commercials, I heard about them on Mad Men.) It looks like these guys are getting really nervous and grappling for anything to keep people buying this stuff. Next they’re going to tell us corn makes better gas.

Read the labels and continue to stay away from foods that contain High Fructose Corn Syrup. Don’t smoke either.

Update: September 10th
So I was looking around the site and noticed a High Fructose Corn Syrup ad running on the site. I clicked it and its the Corn Refiners.

A New Wedding Haircut

This is a photo of my wedding haircut as it happens. My future wife is in the background waiting for her color to process.

Only five days left. I’m so excited!